drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
