I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
