ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
