So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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