make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
