i think i have two assholes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
