U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
