Jerry, you need to find god
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they're like a gay fantastic four
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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