HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
