Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
