there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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