Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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