WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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