Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
