I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
