You smell like a Billy Joel song
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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