If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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