Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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