Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i think my cat just said my name.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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