Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
