Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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