I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
