My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My ass is underappreciated
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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