i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
