He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
