wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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