Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
