Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i've created a new STD.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
