Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
