I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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