I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
