you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
