I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
