new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
