I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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