Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
