my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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