if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So vagazzling was a success
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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