I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
