CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
