I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
