You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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