I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
