i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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