Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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