You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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