The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
