Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
