Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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