she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
