Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
