you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
