you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
