I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
