how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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