Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
