so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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