come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
