I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
