dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
