I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
