I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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