bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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