i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
